Am I listening?

Looking out my window I can see that the leaves on our trees are thinning.  As I look at my computer screen my eye will catch the slight movement of one leaf falling slowly to the ground. One at a time. Right on cue, as I type these words, one slips to the ground.  One leaf lets go and then another and another and soon I will have a ground covered in crispy, dried leaves.  Then what?

The big question at my house is do we rake or do we not rake?  We are torn.  The process of trees shedding their leaves is natural.  The piling up of leaves on the ground is natural.  The process of releasing and letting go is also natural.  

Our arguments range as to how we should take care of our HUGE leaf problem. One child mentions that we should leave them because the ground needs the nutrients provided by the leaves when they break down.  Another disagrees because of the amount of leaves.  She states that too much of anything tends to create an unbalance spectrum.  The wind will take them is another thought that gets tossed around.  Oh, but then our neighbors have to deal with our leaves and this makes me uneasy.  

The falling leaves are something that we can't avoid each year unless we cut down the huge leaf bearing trees in our yard.  Will that solve the problem though?  I don't think so.  Our neighborhood is full of these beautiful trees that provide us with an exceptionally amazing Spring.  They offer homes to the birds and squirrels during the cold Winter months.  I would miss them.  They have come to be a part of our yard and landscape.  

I gain great joy from seeing the trees in my yard.  The texture of the bark.  The changing color of their leaves.  The rustling the squirrels make as they hop through the piles.  I would miss watching the trees shed each leaf as it makes and finds its final resting place in my yard. I would miss the gentle reminder that our lives ebb and flow like the seasons or the trees in my yard. 

I imagine myself as a tree.  Am I shedding the leaves of my soul as this change is coming over me? I feel wonderful.  I am opening to my true self.  My mind, body and soul are enlarging to accept more. My heart is softening.  Changing not who I am but actually listening and turning with a greater desire to realizing that I am finding my path in this life.  I am finally able to navigate through the piles of leaves that I have discarded with the anticipation of what is before me.  Knowing that as the trees in my back yard will once again bud, bloom and become full; so will I.  

Shedding a few leaves isn't a bad thing.  It opens up a chance for us to grow.  To start over.  To refresh.  To live.  I have fought this change for quite some time.  I can't avoid it anymore.  

I didn't realize how closed I had become.  Protecting my inner self became a full time job.  Wearing an armor, like the bark of a tree, to protect my heart, my feelings, and eventually my sensitive soul-- instead of just being me-- caused me to be distant, aloof, and vague.  I have made the decision to stop hiding.  Stop blending in.  Stop fighting the urges, the small whisperings,  and of late, the strong desire to listen.  I won't hide behind a tree anymore. 

Writing about my experience of quitting Facebook was a challenge for me to understand at the time, but I couldn't fight the urge anymore.  I had to listen to the prompting.  The reality is, it turned out to be one of the most honest pieces that I have ever written; with great responses from friends and readers that were feeling the same vibration too.  I connected to a group of like minded people because I let my inhibitions fall to the ground.  The desire to act at that moment was inspiring.  I listened and I poured my heart out in my post.  

The events of this week have only confirmed to me that listening and acting and following through are an important part of who I am as a Mom, Wife and Writer.  I can't worry about what others might think or say because all the matters to me is getting the message out.  I sit at my computer and the words just come.  Hope, love and kindness are messages that are needed in this world of hardship, loss and struggle.  Finding the balance in our lives is important.  There is a beacon in my life that I have avoided for a long time.  This innate sensitivity, that I have had since I was a small child,  to offer love, joy and kindness is too overwhelming for me to hide anymore.  I need to listen and share through writing my thoughts.   

I started Sifting Through Life as a way for me to write honestly and openly.  Even with the knowledge and prompting to keep this as authentic as possible I have still been holding back: afraid that some will find me different, crazy or weird.  Too forth coming with information and an honesty that makes others feel uncomfortable.  Honesty that comes from a place of love and longing to share that we are all unique, valued, of worth, and sacred.

The falling leaves, floating pass my window, are gentle reminders that shedding
my old self is only preparing me for a better experience in this wonderful life I have.  My journey to this point has been filled with pebbles, stones, rocks and even boulders tossed with great force in my direction.  Those will no longer be the deciding factor as to my freedoms to write what I think and feel.  My knowledge comes differently than for most.  I can't fight it anymore.  

My happiness this past week has been an awakening experience with my family.  I feel like they are seeing me for the first time.  I am not hiding anymore. I have never hidden my intuitions from them.  It is kind of a joke around our family. A secret that we share within the walls of our home.  They know and love me anyways.  Oh I do love food.  I love cooking, creating, photographing, and editing.  Food has led me to this place in my life by offering me a branch, if you will, to open up and to share thoughts of encouragement through the stories and lessons in my own life.  

I am listening.

Listening and writing, not for the masses,  but for the one.  If one person can gain a smile, a happy thought, or a feeling of value; then my efforts will be worth the few moments I take each day to write and reflect.   I have been reminded that there is a duality that exist on this earth.  When we are not in balance things have a tendency to shift and slide.  Finding a balance in our lives is important.  My balance involves writing, accepting and acting on my thoughts.  If I don't then the voice in my head does not let me rest.  Today my thoughts are quiet but only after I sat and decided to write a post.  Not knowing what would come but watching the process unfold just feels right.  The simplest of reactions to my flow of writing is listening. The words just come.

Listening is learning.  I am learning to listen and to share my thoughts with the hope that a connection is made.  Connecting with people and listening to their stories is something I have done my whole life.  Through listening to others I am learning so much.

Are you listening?  I believe that each of us has the ability to feel and to know for ourselves the plan that we helped create when we came to this life.   We have a built in data center that allows us to hear our own direction and insight.  The key is knowing the "song" that is being sung and tuning into the right frequency.  Sometimes we are too busy to hear, our lives are too noisy to pay attention, or we just need to be reminded to pay attention.

This is that reminder.  Be mindful of your life now. See what is happening.  Recognize if a change is needed.  Listen to how you are feeling at this very moment.

Listen.  Then get real quiet and listen again. In this space of deep quiet is where you will find guidance, serenity and peace.

Written by Sherron Watson